Bickering
by Ms Trillbatin
Summary: Set towards end of first season. Our favourite Winchester brothers have a polite and friendly, healthy meal in a nice resteraunt...yeah, right! Mild spoilers for season 1.


_Sam and Dean in a diner, bickering…just how I love the boys!_

Sam looked at his brother in disgust,

"What?" Dean asked, spitting out crumbs of tomato and beef,

"Urgh, Dean! Can you eat like a normal person, instead of inhaling your food, or spraying it over me?" Dean grinned. It was not a pretty sight,

"Dude, I'm telling you this burger is _awesome!_" he cried, rolling his eyes heaven-wards as if in prayer,

"Man, it's just a burger." Dean looked mortally offended,

"It is not _just_ a burger, dick-wad, it's a triple decker, extra cheese flame grilled whopper!" he recited, with love in his eyes, as he looked at the massive, half eaten burger in his hands. Sam ignored the insult and signalled the waitress, she came over and smiled kindly at him,

"What can I get you, young man?" she asked,

"Can I get a salad, please?"

"Sure thing, honey," the woman assured then moved away. Dean looked at Sam like he was crazy. The older Winchester had ketchup smeared across his face. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Dude, you're getting a _salad_?" he asked incredulously,

"Yes, Dean, I'm getting a salad." Dean snorted, narrowly missing spraying Sam with burger, and looked his brother up and down,

"No wonder you're so freaky looking, you need some meat in you! Hey wait!" He said suddenly, "I bet that's why you never get laid!"

"Dean, shut up!" Sam hissed as a few mothers with young kids turned to glare at them. Dean chuckled,

"Oh Sammy-boy, you need some red meat in you! How do you ever expect to…you know…" he said suggestively, if you don't have any man-meat in you?"

"Oh god, kill me…kill me now." Sam muttered putting his face in his hands.

"I'm just saying, you know…" Dean shrugged,

"Well don't."

"Someone's cranky," smiled Dean,

"Yeah, well you make me cranky."

"Now is that any way to talk about your brother?"

"Shutup."

"Sammy, boy, you know you love me. And that was the lamest come-back e-_he_ver!" he said rolling his eyes and grinning.

"Don't call me Sammy. And I have plenty of come-backs, they're just too intellectually challenging for you."

"Yeah? Go for it, Geek boy. Let's see what you got!"

"I'm not about to get into a slanging match with you in the middle of a family diner!" Sam muttered at Dean angrily,

"Just coz you know you'd lose,"

"Ok, so maybe I don't know so many 'yo mama' jokes, but they're hardly going to work in our situation, are they? Least of all because we're brothers…that means we had the same mom," he added , as though speaking to a child. Dean snorted incredulously,

"I know better insults than that! How about…you fell in the gene pool when the life guard wasn't looking? That one rocks," he chuckled to himself, then he glanced at Sam's stony expression, "Well come on, man, crack a smile! You look like Hooters just shut down!" Sam rolled his eyes,

"Dean you are so obsessed."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not, am not, am not!"

"DEAN! I'm not getting into this with you, ok? Will you just shut up?" Dean laughed at the ease at which he could wind up his brother. They sat in silence for a while, as Dean munched his fries, and slurped his milkshake. Eventually the waitress brought Sam's salad over and he began picking at it, eating the tomato's and cucumber as they were his favourites. Dean was watching him, and finally Sam noticed.

"Dude, quit staring."

"I can't help it, your so beautiful." Sam rolled his eyes, and endeavoured to ignore his brother, who was grinning…and still staring.

"Seriously man! I can't eat with you gawkin' at me!" Dean chuckled and finally looked away, sighing contentedly. The waitress made her way over to Dean,

"Are you all done?" she asked smiling down at him and indicating his empty burger box and fries,

"Yeah, thanks. The food was as amazing as the service," Dean grinned, and the waitress, who had to be about 50, actually blushed. Sam shook his head and rolled his eyes again.

"Would you like to see a dessert menu?" she asked. Dean glanced at Sam who was slowly making his way through the salad,

"Yeah go ahead, my brother here's a bit of a slow eater." He smiled, "Coz he's a little slow…you know, mentally." The waitress nodded and took the empty plates, then brought Dean a dessert menu before heading back into the kitchen. The older Winchester flashed Sam a grin,

"Dean, you're such a dick."

"Come on now, Sammy, what would Dad say if he heard such foul things comin outta your mouth?"

"Dad's not here, Dean." Sam said, suddenly serious, "And if he was? Well he'd probably say you deserved it."

"Yeah, like hell he would. I'd pummel him." Sam looked at his brother incredulously,

"No you wouldn't."

"I so would, little man."

"I'm taller than you. And you could _not_ take Dad."

"So you got longer legs than me, doesn't make you a better man. I could take you, you know."

"Sure." Sam said, disdainfully,

"I could! You've never beaten me!"

"Excuse me? When you came to get me at Stanford I recall you asking me to get off, rather than making me…"

"Yeah well I wasn't trying then,"

"Ok, well anytime _you_ beat _me_, I wasn't trying."

"Oh Sam, that is so lame!" The younger Winchester just shrugged and went back to his salad. Dean scanned the dessert menu,

"Oh hey, apple _friggin'_ pie!" he said, faking enthusiasm, "Like I haven't had enough of that." Sam glanced at him,

"Don't you think you're taking that to heart a bit?" Dean screwed up his face,

"Man, they wanted to sacrifice me, _so they could keep making nice apple pie_!"

"It wasn't _only_ for that…"

"Oh shut up." Dean grumbled and Sam chuckled. Sam munched on some more salad, it really was pretty good. He glanced down, and nearly spat out his food. There was a bug crawling around his leaves. He pushed the plate away suddenly. Dean frowned,

"Sam? What's wrong? You not want the rest?" Sam didn't answer, Dean glanced at the food, and then his face lit up,

"Oh Sammy! Don't you wanna finish your rabbit food, a la bug?"

"Shut up." Sam ground out, but Dean had already started laughing, quite loudly, and people were beginning to stare.

"This is too good!" he cried, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye, "How many of those little guys do you think you've eaten?" He asked, between chuckles, that thankfully were dying down now,

"None. There's only one." Sam ground out,

"But how do you know that? Huh? I bet you've eaten at least three! See, Sammy, this is what you get for not eating decent food! If you'd had a burger like me, well…" he shrugged as if it was simple,

"Yeah, I'd probably get food poisoning."

"Hey, I'm fine, aren't I?

"At the moment."

"Well then." They lapsed into silence, both watching the bug wandering across the plate. Eventually the waitress emerged from the kitchen, and Sam signalled for her. She walked over, smiling, her high heels tapping across the floor.

"Can I get you something?"

"Um, yeah, sorry but there's a bug in this salad." Dean began laughing again. The waitress had the good grace to look ashamed,

"I'm really sorry," she said, picking up the plate, "I'll get you another meal, on the house. What would you like?" Sam opened his mouth to say another salad, and then he glanced at the salad she was holding in her hands at his eye level and saw the bug again. He paused, unsure. That's when Dean jumped in.

"He'll have one of those burgers you brought down from heaven with you. Thanks." the old woman giggled. That's right, giggled like a school girl. She nodded and walked back into the kitchen.

"Oh, I'll have a burger will I?" Sam asked,

"Yep."

"Whatever. Stop flirting with the waitress."

"Why?"

"Because, man, she's old."

"So? She's…kinda hot."

"No she's not. She's nice, but she's not hot, and you only go for looks. Blonde's with big boobs. That's how shallow you are." Dean grinned,

"Hey, man, I have standards."

"Yeah, anything that has a pulse." Dean looked about to argue, then nodded,

"Yeah, that is true. Like I told a pal of ours, I do draw the line at necrophilia. Generally." He added grinning, "I can make an exception."

"You're sick."

"No, I just have certain urges."

"_I_ have certain urges. You have…a medical condition."

"You saying I'm addicted to sex?" Sam shrugged,

"That's for you to decide. I'm not going anywhere near thinking about it."

"And anyway. What do you mean, you have certain urges? You haven't got laid since that Sarah chick!"

"And?"

"Well, if you have these urges, maybe you oughtta do a little more about addressing them." The waitress emerged from the kitchen, burger in tow, and Dean leaned towards Sam, as she headed over, "I can probably hook you up with our waitress friend." he said just as she approached the table. Sam glared at his brother as the waitress who had arrived just too late to hear Dean, placed the burger and fries in front of him. Dean immediately leaned forward and snatched some of Sam's fries.

"Thanks," Sam smiled up at her,

"No problem, sorry again." She smiled at him, then turned to Dean and grinned, before moving away to another customer.

"I have so scored," Dean managed through a mouthful of fries. _Sam's_ fries.

"Like you'd do anything about it." Sam muttered incredulously. Dean shrugged,

"No, I wouldn't, but it's nice to exercise my talent every now and then…"

"_Every now and then_? Dean if you hunted as well as you exercised, we'd all have been out of a job years ago!" Dean grinned,

"Why thank you, little brother!"

"Dude, that's not a compliment!" Sam groused. The older Winchester just grinned at him. Sam pointedly ignored it. He picked up the burger and took a large mouthful. Dean was right, it really was a pretty nice burger. Speaking of Dean…

"Will you stop staring at me for crying out loud!" Sam yelled, as he noticed Dean watching him,

"Keep your pants on, Linda. Just wanted to see you enjoy some real food for a change." Sam didn't know what to say so he took another bite of the burger.

It didn't take long for Sam to finish the burger. They paid up and left, heading back to the motel. That evening, Sam woke from a light, thankfully nightmare free snooze in front of the fuzzy black and white TV. His stomach gurgled in a very uninviting way. That was when Sam felt the nausea.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me…" he muttered, running for the bathroom.

Dean didn't bother to open his eyes, but smiled to himself.

_'Stupid fucking Dean, and his stupid FUCKING burgers…' _Sam thought as he hurled for the fourth time into the toilet.


End file.
